Controlling Your Anger

The Nature of Anger

Anger is a completely normal human emotion and occurs when we perceive a threat. It can take the form of mild or intense rage and is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person or situation or your anger could be caused by constantly thinking about problems or remembering traumatic or disturbing events.

You can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you did. Life is filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change those things but you can change the way you let events affect you. How you decide to express and deal with anger determines whether it becomes helpful or destructive. The challenge is to be angry with the right person or event, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way.

Remember - Angry Feelings Never Justify Being Physically, Sexually Or Emotionally Abusive To Others

Expressing Anger

We use a variety of processes to deal with angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

• Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to be clear about what you need and how to get your needs met without hurting others. It means being respectful of yourself and others.
• Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to suppress your anger and change it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this approach is turning your anger inward which can cause problems such as hypertension, passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or becoming cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down and making critical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger.
• Finally, you can calm down inside. This means controlling your outward behaviour and your internal responses. It involves taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the angry feelings subside.

Managing Anger

The goals of anger management are to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. Often times you can't get rid of or avoid the things or the people that enrage you, but you can learn to control your reactions. It's best to find out what triggers your anger and then develop strategies to keep those triggers from causing you to react with anger.

• Relaxation. Simple relaxation tools such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery can help calm down angry feelings.
• Cognitive Restructuring. Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use "cold hard" logic on yourself.
• Problem Solving. Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Make a plan and include strategies to deal with them directly.
• Better Communication. Angry people tend to jump to and act on conclusions. Some of those conclusions can be inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is to slow down and think through your responses before speaking or acting.
• Using Humor. Humour can help defuse rage by helping you get a more balanced perspective. Refuse to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if looked at closely, can make you laugh.
• Changing Your Environment. Sometimes it's our immediate situation that gives us reasons for anger. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on us and make us feel angry at the situation, people or things that seem to be pressuring us. If possible, you may choose to take a breather from the stressors until you can deal with them more constructively.